I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
