I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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