She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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