dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
