I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
