I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
