He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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