Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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