Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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