Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
