the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I can't put those talents on a resume
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
