Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
