I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
