well you can't waste a boner
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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