He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
