My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
