We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
