i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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