There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
