Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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