The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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