I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
