Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
