The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
