by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
