dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Two words: nipple clamps
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