my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
