I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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