Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
