i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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