Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
