The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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