If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
