I looked at my own cervix.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
