Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
