I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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