I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
