pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
