At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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