all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
