you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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