My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
