i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
