Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
