i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
