I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
