I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
