Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize