I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
