Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
