Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
