yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
