His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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