Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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