Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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