She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
