Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
