How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize