I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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