Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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