having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
