The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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