I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
