Kiss
Puke
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
