Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
