My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
