"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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