I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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