Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
