Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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