the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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