She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
