I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
