Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
