last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
