Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
